Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
