I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
