it wasn't lemon gatorade
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
