She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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