she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
