I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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