How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
