I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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