hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize