Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
