Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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