Cold hands, warm shart.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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