haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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