New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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