I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
