There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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