is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
