Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
