I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think a kid would responsible me up
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
