Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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