the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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