I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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