So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
