No, you can still breathe under the balls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
