i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
