I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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