I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
