I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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