Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
