You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
