Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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