You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
