you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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