Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
