If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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