Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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