I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
