Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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