Have you finally orgasmed yet?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
