Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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