My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
