if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
