He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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