grandma shit on top of the toilet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
