Whod you bang
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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