i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
