I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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