the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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