So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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