I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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