you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
