And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
