it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
