I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
