i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize