I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
