The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
