We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
