Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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