we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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