I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
