You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
