oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
