I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
